As someone who loves to learn and practice efficiency, motherhood has no room for it. Efficiency has no name in the great game of motherhood. Efficiency has eyes only, it need not whisper a word.
There is no rushing of children, of their emotions, of their learning and development. There is no fitting children into a box or molding them to some predetermined platform, because God already gave them their mold and their platform. We mothers and fathers are to learn to see it, honor it and help them honor themselves in being who they were created to be.
The sanctity of motherhood is held in a mother’s ability to see. If we can see, we can hear. If we can hear, we can respond.
Of the many things I enjoy about motherhood, one of them is how children don’t apologize for the way they process the world. They take it all in, and they react. That’s all. They let you know how they feel on a visceral level… it all spews forth from their gut. And they demand you responding in a way that honors their feelings.
I suppose there are those parents who try their best to ignore and suppress those feelings, but that never helps anyone. I’m not for permissive parenting. I’m for training a child in the way he/she should go. But there is enough space in the day for honoring the feelings in both of you – this is child training, and this is future-adult training… and isn’t that healthier?
I’m not saying I’m a pillar of perfection here… quite the opposite. God gifted me with a highly outspoken sensitive firstborn, and I work really very hard everyday to walk the line of grace and discipline together. Our desire for control makes us rub elbows together everyday, so I’m on this tightrope and I’m at God’s mercy to show me how to step so I don’t squash, and I don’t squelch, and I don’t regret being too lose either.
If we held each other in this view, this view of expressing and honoring each other’s feelings, wouldn’t marriages stay together, children grow with greater desire to please, and enemies make space to cross the bridge to friendship?
If the sanctity of motherhood is held in our ability to see, then you must ask, how do I see better? Put on your glasses and read your Bible. Pray to the living God that He would be merciful to show you the underlying conditions of the stress and tantrums, the naughty behavior, and the needful things in your hearts… this goes for everyone under your roof, including yourself… and it goes for the people who aren’t under your roof too.
Relationships hold no place for efficiency. When it comes to your relationships, throw efficiency out the window and work towards quality. This means you should look for resolution, honesty, and understanding. Throw efficiency out, and strive towards peace and hope. Strive for knowing. Learn how to see. Learn as I learn.